u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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