so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
