You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
