I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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