I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
