Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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