I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
