can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
