you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
