He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
