I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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