We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
