my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
