a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
