so that wasnt chicken after all
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
