When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
