Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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