I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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