I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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