Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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