I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
