i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You need a sexual gate keeper
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i think i just lost a toe
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
