I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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