Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
