I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
