i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
