Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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