she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
