Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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