I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
