it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
