If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
