epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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