you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
