four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
