so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
