How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
