Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
