Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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