her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
