is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
