he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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