There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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