Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
