oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
