I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
