Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
