i think my mom watched the whole time
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
