ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
