When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
